I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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