Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
