i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
