I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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