what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
