What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
