Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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