god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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