Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
