No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize