Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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