went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
