What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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