Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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