having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
