Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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