last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
