who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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