booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
