You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
