She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She bit a glass in half.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
