I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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