in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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