my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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