I hate your face
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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