I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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