My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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