DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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