I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize