Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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