Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you traded sex for a burrito?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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