our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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