I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
