69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
