i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My bed smells like the plague
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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