Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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