Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
