Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize