i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
