you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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