All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
