that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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