One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
