Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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