can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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