Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize