I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
