Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
