I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
