Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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