I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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