just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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