32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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