Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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