You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
vagina is talking i cant
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
