Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
