My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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