I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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