please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
