dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize