i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
