so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
