Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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