Already got asked if we're dating
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
